Hey guys, I am just sending this to a few of you for 1 reason only, based on a plain and simple fact. Here goes...

FACT: We are all SUPER good at partying. Some of the best I've seen without being destructive towards others.
REASON I'm sending you this note: I don't want you to go to jail. Duh.

Today, after almost 3 years of waiting, a 29 year old girl who almost killed my brother in a car accident, finally got her jail sentence. 365 days. No less. 5 years of probation. And tons of fine print that completely ruins her life for at least the next 6 years. Stoked.

(No preaching ahead)
Very importantly, this had nothing to do with alcohol. The rules are actually better defined and far more strict with alcohol. This had to do with prescription pills. Oxycodone and somewhat of a cocktail of other Rx drugs. But I'd say this goes for any kind of pills we are popping. Pretty sure 'molly' isn't a good backseat driver either.

I'm not even gonna try and tell you guys we shouldn't be partying on the variety of awesome Rx pain killers, antidepressants, and muscle relaxers that are out there...cause you're way too good at partying not to pop one of these when someone drops one in your hand. Jah knows I've swallowed them blindly and woke up 12 hours later on Dan's parent's couch* with no idea what happened the night before.

All I'm trying to say is...Please don't drive. I'll spare you the super emotional details about how hard it is to have a brother on his supposed death bed for weeks before he miraculously and slowly made a near full recovery. But think about this selfishly for a second...This girl is now about to spend a full 365 days in jail. No chance of getting out early on good behavior. You don't want that. And neither do your friends. And I know you (and myself included) would not be able to live with yourself for hurting someone else so badly.

Bottom line is, if we are ever partying super good together, which we usually are...offer your couch or floor to your friends. I know we already offer that to each other more often than not, but you know that awkward situation where you have to ask if you can crash if it hasn't been offered? Fuck that. Just offer in advance. There's nothing more fun than cooking up breakfast for all your hungover friends and recounting the night before!

remind your other friends who are super good at partying too, I know you don't want them in jail either.

Sincerely, your party friend for life,
-Richard

*Thanks for offering your couch Dan! Sorry your parents walked in to us all still passed out at noon. At least they can rest assured, we party real good.

The time I woke up at 6am in the shower...

I don't remember what I did that night, who I was with, what I drank or where I drank it, what I smoked, how I got home, when I got home...all I know is I woke up at 6am laying down naked in the shower with the water running and my underwear next to me in the tub.

Must have been a rowdy night!
Now that's hoodrat.
-S. Walling

The time we stole shit at Blanca

Sometimes, clubs in Orange County try soooo hard to be LA. Sometimes, it's up to me and my friends to remind them that they are in Orange County, are not that cool, and they are bound to be fucked with if they don't act right.

Welcome to Blanca in Newport. Never heard of it? Well it's gone now, cause they were trying to serve booze to minors and they got shut down. While in business, however, we decided to have a few nights there where we continuously fucked with the staff. We usually started out at The Elks Lodge only a few doors down where Bootz is a member, and where we drank $5 pitchers and $3 well drinks till we were hammered enough to walk down the docks to Blanca and raise a little hell.

So this night, we got all liquored up for pennies at the Elks and went to Blanca. The staff was being particularly douchey this night, so Cosmic Dave made the first move and decided to sneak into the bar and steal a bottle of booze. We took the bottle out to a table outside and took ourselves a seat, passed the bottle around and rolled a joint. Turned out that one of the girls who came to our table to hang out was the promoter for the night, who was none too pleased with our stealing of the bottle and drinking for free, but we convinced her to drink with us instead of ratting us out. She obliged.

Then there was the bouncer who put up a chain blocking people from using the biggest and most convenient entry way from the outside to the inside bar. I was displeased with his quest for power, as the doorway he was blocking was typically the main entry exit. I got yelled at for holding up the chain and letting people pass through. After a second or third time getting caught passing through it myself, I got fed up and decided it was time to prove a point.

We got one of the girls to distract the bouncer while I disconnected the chain on both sides, stuffed it in my jacket, then walked away past another bouncer. I exited the club, stashed the chain in the bushes and tried to sneak back into the club. I ran into the bouncer who had already yelled at me for sneaking in and out under the chain. I thought he was gonna bust me for stealing the chain, but instead he just told me to go around to the front and wait in line again...somehow he hadn't noticed yet that his beloved chain was missing.

We closed out the night by smoking the joint up on the balcony.

It's fun to do bad things,
-S. Walling

The "Born Again Virgin"...

I'll preface this story with the inescapable fact that I have no filter. I say things that I shouldn't on a regular basis. Trust me, this is in no way an effort to be mean or rude, it's just that I happen to say exactly what's on my mind, whether or not it is appropriate....and of course I don't care, it's just my reality.
So, one Saturday afternoon, some friends and I had been invited to hang at a girl's house down the street who was having a little get together. This girl is a tall, pretty girl with obvious fake boobs. Now when I see a girl with fake tits, I'm automatically assuming that she is promiscuous, after all, she did pay for fake tits for a reason, and if she weren't down to undress, why would she pay for them?
Well at some point during the day, the conversation takes a funny turn when someone says the word "virgin", so I -being not only mildly buzzed, but also more than mildly high- chime in and say to everyone in a facetious tone "I'm a virgin". Then I say to Cosmic Dave "you're a virgin too, right?"
"Oh of course" says Cosmic Dave in an equally facetious tone.
Hunter chimes in "and me too!", all of us trying to get a rise out of the party goers, who we see as our own personal audience.
A few seconds later, the tall, pretty, thin girl with the obvious fake boobs pipes up and says "I'm a born again virgin". Her comment got a good bout of laughter from myself including a "hahaha, good one!", followed by a few chuckles from my buddies (not sure if they were laughing her comment, or laughing at me for mocking her stand for celibacy), which was followed by a nice long awkward silence on the patio...then everyone went on their merry way conversing again and let it slide, so I forgot all about it.
You see, apparently she was serious. I did not actually get to the bottom of that until later on in the afternoon when she pulled me aside in the kitchen and scolded me for scoffing at her plea of decency in front of all her friends. At some point in her life (post-paying for her tits and likely showing them off to many people) she had a revelation and decided to become a "born again virgin". She told me she was upset that I scoffed at her statement, to which I replied "but it was hilarious!". Needless to say, I don't think we'll be invited over anymore.
Ya know, it's not like I was trying to offend the girl, I just thought she was chiming in on the same joke that we all were making about our sexuality. If that were the case, she would have been even more witty and clever than the rest of us to bust out the "born again virgin" joke...but she meant it, and it wasn't a joke at all.

Open mouth, insert foot
-S. Walling

Parking by the beach is a bitch...

Let's face it, everyone wants to be near the beach, especially on the weekend nights when we're all partying. So the first thing to be gone around 5:oopm on a friday evening around here is available on street parking...the very next thing to go is my sobriety, if I ever regained it after Thursday night.

In order to properly tell this story, I need to give you some details of how the night started...

So one night after recently moving in to a new place, my new roommate and a girlfriend of hers went out to the bars for a few drinks. Well, they being girls had only a few drinks, and I had a lot. This was only after we rode bikes to the bars...which was only after I made a togo cup coctail concoction. I had to make the concoction since we had no plastic cups. Anyways, here's the insructions for your coctail togo cup, should you ever find yourself without any plastic cups, but for some reason a plethora of Birthday Cone Hats:

Step 1: Grab your Birthday Cone Hat...put tape on the folded over part to prevent leakage.












Step 2: Pour in that liqour...(don't forget to fill the flask back up for the bars)












Step 3: Pour in that mixer...









Step 4: hop on your bike and drink up on your way to the bar

So we rode our bikes to the bars, I pounded the cone, drank another flask, drinks at the bar, etc etc...and all the sudden I'm far more intoxicated than anyone else.

My roommate and her friend collected me from the group of girls I was entertaining with stories of revelry, as we were getting picked up for a free ride home. The drive was only about 2 minutes, but the search for parking was racking up time and getting way too tedious.

I noticed a spot that was several feet too small for our car (or anything other than a smart car) with a 1990's mercedes in front and something else in back. The Benz had about 3 feet in front of it's wheels to the red zone, so I decided to do what any drunk, persistent, show off would do:

I climbed into the Mercedes through it's opened sun roof and unlocked the car...put the car in neutral (and this was an automatic...not sure why I was so certain it would work, and not sure why it did work), and pushed the car out of our way so we could park. Put the mercedes in park and locked in once again.

First night out with my new roommate and her friends, and already I had a reputation as a hoodrat. They were impressed enough to document my homemade togo cup for your viewing pleasure, but as far as the climbing in the stranger's mercedes (which could well have been mistaken for Grand Theft Auto if the owner came out), some things are better left undocumented.

-S. Walling

PS- Final note here...I find that when you bring a flask(s) to the bars, it's fun to go up to the bartender and lie and say "can I have a soda? I'm the DD tonight..." and then fill up your free soda with the booze you brought. Where it gets really good is when you keep going back for those free sodas (cause after all "you're driving") and keep filling it up with your booze, and your speech starts to slur as you've drank more and more of that booze from your flasks...will the bartender notice your speech start to slur? Will he call you out for lying and make you pay for those sodas? I think that's my next test at a bar...

Leaving for Las Vegas

2 Mini kegs for the drive out
1 Mexican Ice chest
20LBS of ice
1 Bottle of Vodka
1 Pack of Cigarettes
No Clean Clothes
Party Bus
Rental Car to get home

This is gonna be fuckin HOODRAT!

Ladies and Gentlemen...God has smiled upon us

That's right kids, that's a Newcastle draughtkeg. For years now, we've only had the option of drinking the shitty Heineken draughtkeg if we wanted to pull a party stunt like drinking out of one of these things. But now, alas, after all this time...I introduce the Newcast Brown Ale draughtkeg.

I was at my local Albertson's yesterday when I spotted this heavenly blessing. I know what you're wondering...and yes, I made a scene in the middle of the beer aisle...yes, I started cursing loudly in excitement and proclaiming my love for Newcastle...yes, people in line were in awe of my forthcoming purchase...yes, they left the line and went and grabbed one too.

In my years of debauchery, I've drank more Newcastle than any other beer. I'm definitely not the pussy that complains "oh, it's too heavy for me"...or, "I can only drink 1 or 2 of those". No no...I'm the guy who has walked uninvited to the storage room of grocery stores in search of their last case of Newcastle. And I found it. Unfortunately, I've been getting a bit bored of Newcastle lately. Maybe it was due to overconsumption, maybe it's just not that great of a beer...but whatever the case, my faith was restored when they released the draughtkeg.

I drank all 5 litres of it last night.
Then went to the bars.
Then woke up in my bed at 10am with no idea of what how I got there.
Time to go to Vegas.